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Busy day....

Today is a busy day.I woke up exhausted mentally & physically.I need to let go of the stress I am carrying.I hope that today goes well for Jeff.After all it affects us too.I need to make time to relax & be with the boys & the cats. Anthony is in so much pain emotionally, first breakup is so hard on the heart.It doesn't get any easier but that is a lesson I will let him learn as time goes by.

Today I am off to the gym I need a strong work out, I need to use my muscles, I feel so tense & tight. And cardio is relaxing. I know that sounds odd, but it is the one time of my day that silence & meditation comes so easily.

My son turned 19 this week. I wonder how he is? What kind of man he is becoming?And if he yearns for me the way I yearn for him? I try not to dwell long in the things I can not control. Instead I take that energy & bounce it back out there covering him with love & protection & peace.Silently awaiting MY time with him.Funny how man can warp & distort life to the point that he suffers even greater.My present life was disrupted, but his karma will forver be changed because of his actions.My ex will never know the pain he has caused me except through his own pain and karma has a way of teaching that lesson .

I guess that is why I have been reading as much as I can about karma, faith (all faiths), love & peace ( inner & world).I know that my constant tough exterior has caused many pain, myself included. Change is hard but necessary. I feel as dormant as a garden bulb in late spring, waiting, wondering, becoming a beautiful flower.

So today I ask that all the earth's energy to wash over me & restore me.
I need peace, I crave cleansing, I desire love, I wait.... I hope.... I submit...



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May 2005
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